Tag Archives: people

I’m perfect!

1 Jul

IMG_0548I’ve been thinking about perfection a whole lot lately. What it means to me, what it doesn’t. I think I’ve been striving for perfection for a long time. I’m not quite sure why.  So many seem to want perfect. A perfect body. Perfect children. Perfect life. Perfect…well…everything. I’m thinking for a long time I’ve wanted perfect.  Or for a long time I’ve been wanting to be seen as perfect. And I am perfect. Absolutely perfect. So you’re wondering just why I think I’m perfect. Let me sit on this throne of mine and tell you.

I’m perfect at overthinking. If there’s a girl out there who’s perfected overthinking, it could be me. The wheels turn about everything and anything.  Sometimes it keeps me up. Sometimes it’s not even warranted. My imagination is amazing apparently. Put that together with overthinking and I assure you I can come up with a great story.

I’m a perfectly messed up mom. Sometimes when I work overnight, my kids stay in their pajamas and play electronics until I can muster enough strength to get out of bed.  Sometimes, I forget to ask them if they brushed their teeth. And most of the time I cuss too much.

I’m perfect at pointing out every imperfection I have. (Can you tell?) I can point out the parts of my body that I long to improve. I can perfectly tell you I won’t wear shorts because my legs make me feel insecure. Feel better yet?

I’m perfect at being quiet when I’m upset, but equally perfect at running my awkard mouth when I’m dying inside and worried.  My coworkers will tell you they don’t know what to do with me when I’m quiet. As a matter of fact, a little while back, the supervisor of our environmental services came to check our floor, took one look at me and said. “I gotta leave. I don’t even know what to do with this mess. I’ll come back when you get your bubbly back.  I can’t watch you not be bubbly!” And he really did leave. And he squints one eye when he looks at me now, just to feel me out. Geez, can’t a chick have a bad day?

I’m perfect at doubting what I can accomplish. It’s only for a second or two but when I struggle…it’s real.

So let’s really get real now.  Do you see where I’m going with this? Fuck perfect!!!!!! I’m done with it.

Perfect. Is. Boring.

I’m never going to be perfect. No one is. The only thing I’m perfect at…is being anything but perfect.

I’m perfectly imperfect and wish nothing other than to be accepted for being that way. And if you can’t accept me for that…I’ll be fine eventually.  And I realize these things. I actually bet you may recognize them in yourself.

I may not like certain parts of me. But I love me. I’m worth something. (and yes, so are you!!) So my legs aren’t my favorite part. You know what? I can tell you those same legs are stronger than they were a couple of years ago.   Maybe I won’t get to wear the shorts I want…but I’m still working hard to try.  So, look at your perfectly imperfect self, and I bet if you take an honest look…you too will find strength.

I’m never going to be a perfect mom. And I don’t think I really want to be. I want my kids to know that perfect is boring and that sometimes, it’s ok to sit in your boxers and pjs til 2pm because mommy is going to be a crotchety old bag if you don’t.  And I’m always going to be the sarcastic mom, but that same mom will always make sure her kids feel loved.

Somedays I’m going to be quiet and hard to read. Some days I’m going to text in awkward pieces  and you’ll know I’m just having a hard time. Sometimes I’m going to mouth off and be angry. And know that I’m perfectly imperfect at being angry…angry means crying for me. Some days I’ll be able to keep up with your humor, some days I won’t.  And guess what… it’s totally normal!

Here’s the important part. And I may be talking about myself, but this goes for all of you too! Here’s a letter that you can use to express how you feel. See, I’m gonna help you and give you a little gift.

To whom it may concern: (Just insert whoever the hell you want in here)

I’m never going to be perfect. But I’ve got a pretty perfectly imperfect heart and it’s got lots of love to offer. It’s the unconditional kind.  But sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it’s quiet. It’s sometimes overwhelmed and sometimes scared of it’s own shadow. Sometimes even angry just to throw another somethin’ somethin’ to keep you on your toes. I repeat…   I’m never going to be perfect. Which is good, that means you’ll never be bored. And sometimes I’ll say the wrong thing because this mouth of mine is just as imperfect as the rest of me. But it’s me and I’m not sorry for it. I’m a take me as I am or leave me the hell alone kind of (chick/dude…you can print it out and circle the proper gender if you want). In turn, I’ll accept you just the way you are… as long as you are respectful of my imperfections.

Respectfully and with love,

(Jill or Joe Schmo)

You can feel free to use this little ditty. The trick here, though, is that you have to be accepting of other’s imperfections.  Sometimes, we all forget that.  Sometimes, I forget that. (Because we aren’t perfect for crying out loud!!!)

So please…give me your messy, your imperfect…your real. Because everything else is crap and it’s boring as hell.

Until next time,

DP Babbles

A letter to my daughter about life…(that she can’t read because it has bad words in it)

30 May

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My daughter got into the car after school today. Tears just waiting to spill over. She was upset that she didn’t make safety patrol. This girl has been turned away from doing several things in school so far.  So, it gets harder and harder to tell her that life is like that.  Life is only going to get harder that way.  How do you tell your kids that?  How do you let them know life isn’t fair, but that everything will work out.  So this is what I’d propose to say to my kid, and you if you feel that way.

Dear Rae (and anyone else disappointed),

I know not making safety patrol feels like the end of the world today.  And I’m sorry. I couldn’t be more sorry. I’d like to tell you life is going to get less disappointing, but there will be several more disappointments along the road.  There are going to be times when you are riding high and perfection is right in front of you.  When the road ahead seems so clear.  And I promise that what you see will be real.  Don’t forget that feeling. Don’t forget to keep pushing towards that.

During the hard times, when you feel disappointed by life, know it’s not the end of the world.  It’s a lesson.  And sometimes the lessons suck, but sometimes there is true value in them.  But you have to feel the shitty parts of life…truly feel them to really feel the good stuff.  I mean, maybe now at 10 it doesn’t make much sense because its just safety patrol, or the dance team or friends being a bunch of a-holes.  But later on, it will be lots of other things. Career, finances, boys…oh for fuck’s sake, not those!!!!   I promise to have a container of ice cream for the boy stuff, or  maybe we can sit on the beach and you can cry on me.  I may have wine in my cup, and I may cry with you.  I’m good at crying and I’m not sorry about it.  I don’t want you to be sorry either.  I think its ok to cry.   It’s not weak to feel the feels.  It’s healthy, its healing and I promise to hug you through it.

What?!?!?!?  You don’t feel all healed up from the tears.   That’s ok too.  Life is all about showing up.  Pushing the line when it feels uncomfortable. There will be lots of lines to stretch.  Try hard not to cross the wrong ones.  But when you do feel the need to cross the line, make sure it’s something  that means something to you.  Tears don’t fix everything.  But they help.  Taking deep breaths and living life moment by moment…that heals.

I sometimes wonder why the hell life presents situations to us.  It’s like it’s says.. ” Look at this…perfect right? ”  and in the next breath it gives you a big “fuck you”.  You will have so many of these moments.  I can’t tell you I know what they mean.  I have no clue.  I’m certainly not a wise mom, I’m just me…shuffling through like you will be. Some will suck worse than others. Hold on to your perfect.  And in the same breath cherish your imperfect.  I’m not sure if this makes sense now.  But I just want to tell you that no matter what life is handing out, handling it will never be perfect, so just strive for perfectly imperfect.

Don’t let life’s disappointments make you pessimistic.  Because it’s easy to remember the shitty things that happen.  Try hard to focus on everything that went right.  Everything that you learned.  Focus on everything you love.  And hold on to that…make that work.  You can make anything work if you want it enough, especially when you have love in your heart.

Know that when it’s meant to be, it will be.  And whatever that “it” is, know its not on your timeline, it’s on life’s timeline.   I am a huge believer in spiritual things.  And I know things.  I believe in signs and I believe everything happens for a reason.   But here’s the thing you have to really pay attention to…it’s none of our business as to the “why”.  None of our damn business.  And you have to be ok with that.  (Stinks, right???)

I also want to tell you for all the disappointments, there is joy.  Eat it up.  Love. Make waves when it’s right.  Don’t bury the fire that burns inside of you.  That flame is so important.   It makes you…you and it’s not replaceable.  It’s what makes people love the real you.  And for Jake’s sake…be real and be you.  Everyone deserves to see the masterpiece that makes up you.

Enjoy your accomplishments, bask in your own glory.  You are a big deal, little lady (or random person reading this).  You are loved unconditionally…and forever by someone (namely me!).  You have so much to give…so much life to live. Climb the mountains, wallow in the valleys , but live.  And live true to your heart…not just what you think your supposed to do.

And just in case I didn’t tell you today…I am proud of you. So damn proud.  Even when you think I can’t be…I am. That’s what unconditional love is. It’s loving someone through the hard stuff.

Until Next Time,

DP Babbles

 

 

 

 

 

Putting the “Hyp” in Hypocrite

20 Mar

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I’m going to let you in on a secret.  I’m a total hypocrite.  I realized this during my seven mile run today.  My run time is the time where my wheels turn.  My thinking time. Time to think of the dumb things I’ve said and done. Time to think about whatever has been bugging me.  Time to think about my insecurities and my not so insecurities.  I have a race in one month and it’s my first long distance race since November’s full marathon.  So what have I been a hypocrite about?  I feel like sometimes I talk about strength and body confidence and overcoming obstacles but there are times I’m saying this stuff, and I don’t believe it when it comes to myself. I know my insecurities show in my blog, but hopefully there’s some bad ass to counteract that too.  Three steps back to go ten steps forward, right?

Exactly one month ago, I completely changed up my routine.   You know how I preach patience?  Well, I double suck at it.  I thought a month later I would be seeing some amazing things.   Little did I know that maybe “seeing” them won’t happen first.  “Keep holding on”, I keep saying.  “No giving up” I encourage.  But although I’m not ready to throw in the towel, I thought I would see a difference in the mirror.  Maybe there is and I don’t see it.  Then today as I finished my seventh mile stronger than my first, dummy me realized something.  Maybe…just maybe  I would feel the difference before I see the difference.  Maybe it was the consistency of my splits or the slightly improved pace.  Maybe it was the fact that I felt no foot or knee pain today.  Maybe I missed the forest for the trees on this one.  The fact is, I ran my longest run since November, and did I die?  Hells to the no.  In fact I’m feeling amazing…like I wanted to keep going.

So I’ve made changes to my diet again and I trudge along further.  This isn’t just a me lesson…it’s a life lesson.

The truth is that we can’t be confident all the time. The person who is appearing the most confident.  The one toting their  Instagram perfect asses around (I’m not gonna lie, I check out that stuff. I like to look at nice asses, don’t judge me!)  The one dissing the “fat person”…those people clearly have more insecurities than I do.  We all have insecurities. Admitting anything less than that is false advertising.   I’m not going to list all my “ass”ets here.  I have nothing  to prove to anyone who is reading this.  I have to be cool enough for me, even though sometimes I know I’m not. If you think I’m a cool, fun chickaroo, why thank you, my dear!  The thing is that those who only see that probably don’t get to see the messy me.  The messy me isn’t so fun.  She’s insecure and gets easily offended at times, emotional, an overthinker.  The people who are closer to me know that.  They have felt the wrath and trust me when I tell you I’m not so proud of it.  I’m impatient, sometimes needy, and I pop off at the mouth without thinking.  I don’t  always think of others.  Sounds like an asshole, right?  Guess what…we all are assholes sometimes.  Yep, even you, hot shot.  You know the trick here is simple, don’t you?  It’s  being real enough to know that you are being messy and admitting it.  I hate having to admit that I’m a total jerk right now and I’m being that way because I’m feeling insecure.  I’m a pusher.  I push away not because I am full of myself, but because I think you as a husband, friend, family member…deserve more than my messy.  It’s kind of dumb when I say that out loud. If you look at it, that’s truly not who I really am,  but insecurity and lack of confidence will do some ridiculous stuff to your mojo. I hope the people in life who have to experience my messy remember the fun chick.  I don’t need a lecture about how I act. I beat myself up more than any friend or family member can.  I promise you that.

But in reality aren’t we all a little insecure. Even the hottest of dudes who have the ladies falling all over them, aren’t they even a little insecure? (I don’ know shit about hot dudes nowadays so I’m grasping.)  The ladies who can walk around in their bikinis without a towel wrapped around them…aren’t they all insecure sometimes, or is it just me.

Let me tell you I don’t feel like a weeping hot mess afraid of her own shadow most of the time.  There are definitely sometimes when I feel like I could pass for a total hot piece of ass. Ha! Or at least whatever that equates to for a 39 year old mother of two with this ass of mine. I love that girl in me.  She’s the person I am.  She’s the fun girl without a give a damn in what people think.

But then the hypocrite in me shows up.  How do I sit here and preach what I do to all of you and “pretend” to be positive.  The answer is simple.  Because I want to believe it too. And I know that everything I’m saying is true, I just don’t feel it sometimes and maybe if I say it to you, it may click.  Do you feel it clicking?  The truth is that if I look back to where I started.  I believe every ounce of this shit I shovel out.  And it’s proven that I have felt it enough to turn my beliefs into reality. I’m good at succeeding when I believe.  You can be too!!!

So let’s all agree that sometimes we have to shovel out positivity even if we aren’t feeling it. You absolutely hear everything you say to yourself and what you say matters.  When you tell yourself you’re nobody…you exude that.  People feel your vibes.  So turn it around. Be kind to yourself.  Say nice things to yourself.  And so maybe you don’t believe them right away…I promise you will.   Look for the good in yourself, and in others.  Match their effort and do kind deeds.  You won’t be sorry.

On the other hand though, remember that it’s impossible to be perfect.  Sometimes the hypocrite comes out.  The one that tries to be everyone’s cheerleader but may not believe it so much for herself (or himself).  The messy creeps in and lashes out.  And life doesn’t feel so great. That’s why it’s life. We can’t always be neat, sometimes messy is just ok.  Bring me your messy…bring me your  worst and know that I’ll sit through it.  Let me be your hand when you need one.  Because quite honestly…I am blessed to have that person who sometimes can’t take much more from me…but somehow does and shows me there is a way to the surface.  God Bless him….seriously. I also have the most amazing friends.  Some ignore my moments and silently forgive and move on.  I have listeners and rainbow throwers (those are the ones that always see the pot of gold even when I can’t).  And I’ve got friends  who call me on my shit.  I need and appreciate all those people in my life.  You have them if you look…I betcha!

I’m mostly pleasant and positive…mostly.  But damn that insecure gal, I truly hope to be seeing less of that as I keep groovin’ forward, but she will always be inside. Damn her !!!!! lol

If you are feeling less than perfect, a little messy today, give yourself a break.  But put those fancy pants on tomorrow and climb up to the top.   There is so much waiting for you just beyond the surface.

No regrets…

Until Next Time,

DP Babbles

Because You’re Only Cheating Yourself

22 Feb

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So originally I was going to make you all piss your pants laughing about my first visit to Orange Theory.  And I promise you that one is coming soon.  I’m promising some laughing.  By next week I’ll have more material to laugh at…and by more material I mean the things that I think in Orange Theory, Bootcamp and kickboxing. I’ll also be out of this funk and will be happy to make jokes about myself for your pants pissing pleasure.  But today I learned something that made me super angry.  (Yes, super angry…cause regular angry isn’t angry enough).

This weekend was the Fort Lauderdale A1A Half and Full Marathon.   This was supposed to be my first half back after running New York.   But due to my foot injury, I’ve been unable to work up to running it without wiping out the possibility of running my favorite half in April. Sunday was a rough day for me. Not only was my momma in the hospital but not being able to participate in something that I love threw me out of whack.  I think that if you heard from me Sunday and I was odd, please know that was why. (I’m sorry).  I spent the morning blubbering a bit. Because although the race doesn’t define me, the feelings associated with the race are something I crave.  So, today, when I found out the  2nd place finisher cheated, I was infuriated.   It wasn’t as simple as her cutting the course, which she did without much thought apparently.  It was the thought she put into biking the course in the afternoon at the pace she should have been running in the morning so she could prove her time.  Who puts that much effort into cheating a 13 mile race?  Apparently that chick.

So why am I seeing red today?  Let me tell you why….

In February of 2013, I sat in a hospital room, at a whopping 250 lbs, unable to breathe.  I had pneumonia, asthma, and couldn’t run to save my life. My pulmonary function was 70%. This…this was my rock bottom.  I may be struggling a bit now.  But that was where I knew things had to change.  That I could NEVER go back. That this person was not me.  This was me hiding from…well…you. All of you. I was hiding from life and not putting myself out there.  I was closet eating pints of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream and tons of pasta.  I was known as “the pudgy pal”.  If you were a dude and you wanted to talk about screwing a chick…I was the girl that listened.    My absolute rock bottom.  The next week I started my journey into paleo and becoming some kind of runner.  Yes, I’m going to tell you that the 250 lb. me could run, and even slower than my slow now.  But there was no giving up because I signed up for my first half marathon.  I was going to do it.  So I lost 30 lbs or so and ran my first half.  Seven half marathons and one full marathon and more than 50 pounds gone later, my pulmonary function on a bad day is now 95% and on the best days over 100%.  And although I’ve been injured and in my own mind not on the cool list,  I am so far from that girl I was 3 years ago.

That’s why I’m seeing red.  I’m seeing red for every person like me who ever struggled, thin or chunky.  For every person who saw mile 9 and said “Are you fucking kidding me?”  For anyone who wanted to turn around at mile 6 but didn’t because succeeding was worth more than the pain.  For every person who ever ever heard these phrases:

“Running is bad for your knees.”

“It would be easier if you were thinner.”

“Fat people shouldn’t run.”

“You can’t!”

You won’t!”

“I don’t support you.”

“I don’t understand why this is important to you.”

“You’re not fast enough.”

“You aren’t a real runner.”

“You need to lose weight first and then run.”

You know what I have to say to the girl who cheated, and for anyone who has ever muttered any of these phrases?  Screw you!  Seriously, if you want to do it better, then lace up your damn running shoes and work hard next to me and everyone else who is working like the dickens to give their rock bottom a middle finger and farewell.    I’ve heard some of these, as early as recently. You need not go past my ass to see that running is a feat for me.  It’s not just my lungs or the size of my rockin’ ass, or my currently bum foot.  It’s the 250lb girl that still lives deep inside that doesn’t think she’s good enough.  Rest assured to anyone who thinks otherwise…I am good enough.  What she did this weekend was take the easy way out.  Those people who have hit you with the above phrases, but sit on the couch while they criticize you, should hold no merit in what you do.  But if you are anything like me, you hear them…you hear their voices mid run.  You hear them in the middle of you’re hardest moment.  You hear them at mile 25 when you’re not so sure there’s anything left.  You will always hear them.

That chick that cheated this weekend…I may not have been there, but I see her.  She disrespected elite runners, the middle packs, and the back of the packs like me.  She disrespected everyone who sweat in the middle of a race with a heat advisory where people got all their mileage in, or bowed out gracefully.  I will see her and people like her in my hardest sprint, in my last .1 of my 13.1.

Know that if you have ever had anything to say to me or anyone like me…  If you passed comments about the medals on my wall or decided that you know what a true runner is.  Or if you are the person who has told any of those lies above to anyone struggling inside, we hear you in our daily struggle.  Because of you…we can.  Because of the chick who shortchanged herself and let herself be called a winner…we can. Because of the rock bottom moment…I assure you, I will.  All of you struggling will.  All of you ready to run your first 13.1 will do it honorably for yourselves, and you will still hear those voices but they will only drive you to that finish line.  You’re only cheating yourself if you don’t.

The fat girl will live inside of me forever.  She is the reason I am where I am.  While I’m still not finished. She is the unworthy feeling that creeps out of me.  She is the person that gives me needy moments.  She is what drives me.  I was having  a moment the other day when a friend said the following to me.

“Question: Why does the cool chick always have to do with weight loss and exercise? You’re a cool chick no matter what. And you’re damn hot too (I love her…just love her for that one!) Stop being so damn hard on yourself. Look at a picture from 8 years ago.  Look  where you came from.  Look how hard you worked to get there.”

And she’s right.  The cool chick or dude is there no matter what…in all of us.  I am a cool chick, and I don’t have to cut a course by a couple of miles to look like a cool chick.  I don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea to be the cool chick.  Neither do you.  Take your rock bottom and all those negative nelly comments and stick them into your most difficult moments.  Hear them, feel how they made you feel….and then let them go.  Let them take you. Fuel yourself with them. Let them be you’re drive. You can…I can. Watch me. Watch us.

I realize this…  If you have ever told me any of the above.   If you’ve ever been negative and not supported me…watch this. Watch me.  I’m not cutting corners to get to where I’m going. And chances are, if I or anyone else has felt that kind of negativity, we aren’t going to need you hanging around in a few pounds.  None of us will.  Because no one needs that kind of negativity in life.  Us rock bottom-ers, we’ve got us…if you can’t see us for the cool peeps we are, peace, out.  There is no skipping ahead to win the race, cause the race is inside of us.

So half marathon cheater, thank you, thank you for fueling my success.  I may not have been there, but my friends were and you will be fueling them too.

Until next time…

DP Babbles

 

Through the Crystal Ball…

15 Nov

Since last week, I keep getting asked “Well, what’s next?” And someone asked me to write about it.

Usually, post race for me is waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Most of my friends know that post race day 2 is the day I cry a lot.  There seems to be some let down for me and I get really down. I think I even got a text the morning after from one of my closest pals. “How are you feeling emotionally?” So I feel like every day waking up is just waiting for it to set in and the tears to come. But they haven’t. They snuck in for a second but I was told to cut that shit out. (I have amazing friends, they know how to manhandle me when I need it!).   That same person reminded me what amazing shit just went down, and for that I am grateful.  Since then, I’ve felt mostly peaceful.

The day after the race, someone (who I’m not even friends with) may have taken a cheap shot at me.   I say “may” because if it truly was, it makes me feel sorry for those people who attempt to tear down.  Who and what isn’t important. But pointing out “the true marathoner” and ” true inspiration”. Let me tell you about that. Do you know what a “True marathoner” is?  Someone who has the balls to try. Someone who never gives up and crosses both the start and finish no matter how.  Those who put in countless hours of training.  The 96 year old man who finished the marathon 11 hours later…yep. True Marathoner.  Francesca, 57 year old Italian chick saying she was too old, yep, true Marathoner.  Me, coming in in hour number 8…yep… and the pattern continues. My point here is that I mention it only because none of  the negative feelings from other people actually  matters, the only thing that really matters is how I feel about me.

This is what I realized after I crossed the finish line. It’s still sinking in a week later.  Anything I ever said I couldn’t do before, TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!!  I have been going way to easy on me an I have made one too many excuses as to why I can’t do things.  It’s all a bunch of total bullshit.  I have to say, after this…I am all out of excuses.

Running 26.2 miles gave me some insight. After all I had eight long hours to think about what’s next.  Let me tell you, it was the longest Come to Jesus meeting I’ve ever had with myself.

Everyone asks “What was your time?”   I can honestly tell you, I am horrified at my time.  The oldest “official” finisher actually finished before me.  Tell me that’s not bad ass.  I was embarrassed at first, and  I had moments of actually agreeing that I was not a “True Marathoner” (Don’t take pity on me yet, and don’t cuss out the peep who had shit to say about it…just wait and read.)  In a conversation today, I actually admitted to feeling this way. But in thinking about it, this first marathon was all about not giving up.  It was about the experience and how important it is to push through when I feel like there isn’t anything left.  I was able to think about the things that I want to accomplish, and that I can fight though pain (and that shit hurt!!!)  There are no more excuses, just planning and conquering.   I conquered this…it doesn’t matter how slow I was. I showed up.  Over 51,000 people showed up.  That makes a helluvalot of Marathoners.  Over 51,000 people finished.  That’s 51,000 deep of true inspiration.  To have witnessed that kind of strength is mind blowing. Ask my family and friends who were there…inspiration was palpable and around every corner.  It showed up as Elite runners, young first timers, older experienced types, and yep, even an Italian chick with junk in her trunk.

“One foot over the starting line and you’re already braver than everyone you know.” MR How true is this?

So if you notice, I referred to NYC as my first marathon, which one could only assume there would be more planned for the future.  You’re damn right there will be. Not because running that mileage is fun. Not because the training and the life interruption was easy.  Because now that I’ve done this.  I have more in me, I have to try and do it better next time.   Not for a bit though.  I’m not running out for a repeat next month.  Probably not even next year. I realize during all this soul searching that there are things that I want to work on.    Obviously my goals are health related.  But don’t worry, losing weight most likely won’t affect my backside too much. (I know some worry about the precious caboose, but I promise it will be on point! lol)  I have two half marathons on the books this season.  But I’m honing in on that diet and my half marathon speed. I don’t intend to be perfect, but I intend to be successful.  If I can train for a year to run for 26.2 miles, I can certainly knock the Doritos out of my mouth. Maybe even say no to dessert a couple of times.

So, in all of this waiting for the shoe to drop. For the “Big Cry”… I think I’ll be waiting for awhile.  There is nothing but peace here for me.   For I am a marathoner.  We are all in some kind of race. It may not be a race for miles, but it’s a race for something.  I want to tell you… yes you reading this.  You can.  I promise you can.  And when you can’t, call me, because I’m going to tell you it’s bull shit. I promise that you have this.  You can do ANYTHING.  So you don’t want to run a marathon.  I get it.  Don’t then.  Do you…do whatever you want that you think is impossible.  It’s not.  Because I thought it was, and it turns out that I was so very wrong.  When you test yourself, truly test yourself…and you want something bad enough.  I promise it’s yours when you’re ready. So throw out those excuses, take heaping doses of FUKITOL and YOUREDAMNRIGHTIWILL and bang it out.   And don’t care what everyone has to say about your journey.  It’s not about them. It’s about you. So don’t let it go. Consider me your cheerleader.  You know why?  I believe we should all be cheering for each other.  There is definitely enough sun for everyone.  When you’re in the dark, I’m over here waiting with a flashlight…cause I believe in both of us.

-No regrets…

Until Next Time..

DP Babbles

That’s Life

26 Jan
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The best reminder of my journey…

imageSome wise person somewhere said that people come into your life for a reason. I firmly believe this. I believe that everything happens for a reason too. I may not understand it, and sometimes I want to shoot up my middle finger and scream what the fuck to life, but I have to say I’m thankful for these moments. Even the crappiest times are educational in the “journey”.

Yesterday was a craptastic day. I misplaced my favorite and only pair of good earrings. I let my daughter wear them and she handed them to me on the soccer field Saturday morning after an all nighter at work. So somehow in my incoherence, I misplaced them.  I know this seems small but it was coupled with a shitty personal moment. I was temporarily failing at life. We all have those moments. It was just a teary one. I decided the best place for me was bootcamp. I needed to sweat out the bad mood. After bootcamp, I realized that I’m lucky to have every single person and moment in my life. They all teach me things I need to know. They are ALL part of my journey. If you look closely, whether in the past or not…you have some of these people in your life.

The ultimate fan. After feeling down yesterday. A really wise person told me that they think I may have forgotten my journey and how far I’ve come. That I’m a totally different person than I was 6 years ago.  That I can do anything…anything at all. It’s so true. I forced myself to look back.  And I see it. I’m a rockin’ chick, my own superhero. She’s the fan who knows how far you’ve come, how you have that last little bit to overcome, and even though your scared as shit to finally accomplish it, she sees you doing it. We all have that person in our life.

Then there is that one person that you can tell every horrible thing you’ve ever done or thought to and they love you no matter what. No judgements, just true support. The ones that would never throw stones at your glass cottage, house, mansion or castle.  These are the people who always are there. They keep your secrets and love you when you aren’t so lovable. And of course you would do the same for them. Life is a two way street after all. These are the same people you never fight with because everything is really just ok…no matter what.

There is the person who gave you confidence when you had very little. They probably don’t even know it, and that’s ok. The person who thinks its cool for you to be whoever you are, like whatever you like and do what makes you happy. They could be a random person passing you by to someone you know well. A little confidence goes a long way.

There are are the people who have known you forever. A group of amazing people. The ones you can talk about the past, hope for the future. The ones who drunk message you with pictures of their beer at all hours of the night and provide endless entertainment. The ones who know what’s inside of your heart and when you just need a hug. You can cry, laugh, say the stupidest things and they still see you for the old friend you are. Those same friends who offer you a kind word or advice when needed or just a shoulder for your blubbering messy cry face. These people are friends and family. (Yes, sister…that’s you too!)

There are the people who make you feel stupid…the dumbest of dumb. The “Why did I do that?” or “Why did I say that?” peeps. Even these lovies  have a place in your life. Those are the ones that you wish didn’t have that ability to make you feel that insecure. The people who you wish you could take back sometimes. The tear-er down-ers, the narcissistic people, When I think about these kinds of people in my life, I realize they are an essential part. If I look past the negative, I realize they help me become stronger.  It feels like shit for a bit though. (You know I’m right, too) You know what I would say to them? Watch me…you’ll be sorry for ever making me feel like a nobody.  You are somebody to someone. And you are loved.

Then there are the people who unconditionally love you. The one person who may see through your bullshit and call you on it, but the same person who would part the oceans to make you happy. The person who puts effort in, and fights for you and makes you feel loved. EVERYONE deserves a piece of that pie.

I really am so thankful for everyone in my life. I love people…with my whole heart. Even the people who don’t know what to do with it.   I’m still over here sending happy vibes…and I’m still here feeling blessed. So thank you…to ever person who has had a hand in shaping me into the strong, but sometimes not so strong, chick I am. Mad props to my peeps!

Please always know that even when life looks like it’s wiped it’s ass with you, there is a lesson to be learned. So spend a day and cry it out. But then  I think you kick life in the teeth, show it who’s in charge. Everyone has three things in them, even if they don’t know it. Strength,    love and hope.  It’s all in there. Just in case you need a little strength today and are feeling unsure, know this about life and the people in it…

“Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad. But it’s the middle that counts the most.
You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning.
Just give hope a chance to float up.
…and it will too.” Hope Floats

Happy Tuesday! 😘

DP Babbles