Tag Archives: fitness

8 Weeks to a better ass…or something like that

8 Mar

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So, every January  for the past three years, I have embarked on an 8 week fitness challenge with my bootcamp.  Every year I had learned something different.  The first year I learned (after placing second) that I actually could work some magic when I put it all together.  I was very into running and my body wasn’t saying screw you to running just yet so my results were pretty amazing.  Year two, I learned I was really good at wasting my money.  Because I was a lazy shit who ran  but didn’t do much else.  This year though, I learned a little more.  I figured I’d share.

The goal was to eat 80 percent clean, work out 5x per week and make weekly goals, We of course needed to log our food and our instructor looked at what we were doing.   Our weekly goals didn’t need to be weight loss oriented. As a matter of fact she encouraged other goals.  A few weeks into it I lost my running coach so I was faced with having to change it up.   This is what I learned…

  1.  I learned I’m one unorganized shit! I mean my weekly goals consisted of cleaning out my closet, pantry, bathroom etc.  My husband still can’t find where I put my panties when he folds the laundry but they are organized!!! “Where’d you put your underwear? You organize things and I’m so lost. ”  “In the little drawers in my closet!” UGH! So, I learned that the more organized I am, the more successful I am.  I also learned that I have a “Bra-blem” At least that’s what my kids call one drawer devoted to bras.  I digress.  I’m a little more organized than when I started and it has made a big difference.
  2. I learned that although I want to be a better runner, I really want to be more fit first.  My personal observation and those close around me is that my body is used to running, and running slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.  That’s what my body knows. In that I also learned that maybe in order to be more successful at one thing, I have to get better at others. So  I’m working on building muscles. Lifting weights, resistance bands, squatting like its nobody’s business.  I guess if we all want to monitor my progress, just keep an eye on my “ass”ets.  I miss my running coach, but Im still going to make her proud.  I just have to make me proud first.  I haven’t felt proud in a while.  But holy shit, the next few weeks are shaping up in my favor.  I also learned that I can work around my injury and that I’ve been babying it a little.  That could be total bullshit of course.  Maybe my foot is just healing.
  3. This is the biggest thing I learned.  I learned that emotional eating gets me no where except disappointed.   Before this eight weeks, if anything bothered me, I could totally eat my way through a bag of Doritos and a Snickers bar.  This eight weeks, I was placed in stressful situations and holy sweet baby Jesus,  I didn’t turn to food.  Shit, I didn’t even think about it.  I actually used working out as an outlet.  I kicked ass at kickboxing or dropped and did push ups.  I know this all sounds like bulls*t, but its true.  I thought it was weird too.  I’ve lived my whole life as an emotional eater.  I used to sit through Weight Watcher meetings where the Lecturer actually had conversation with her food.  I don’t really want to spend time being emotionally attached to chicken nuggets or ice cream.  I don’t want to talk to them either.  I’d rather make a healthier choice and sit here and talk to people that matter to me, not my food.
  4. I learned I’m never going to be an itty bitty teeny weeny in that little polka dot bikini.  I learned that it’s ok.  I learned that the real people in life actually think I’m a hip and happening chick no matter what.  I’ve learned what a real definition of sexy is to me.  Sexy is being beautiful with all of your imperfections.  Sexy is putting real effort into being strong.  Sexy is loving yourself and being confident.  Guys and Girls, I tell you.  Not loving yourself and not being confident is actually not very attractive.  So own your thighs,  your big or small boobs. Own all of it.  Yep, you’re allowed to have moments, but don’t dwell on them.  Just keep groovin’! Changes happen when we believe and think positively.
  5.   I learned that I was starving myself.  I got sick halfway through and could barely eat, but when life resumed, I still couldn’t get all my calories in.  The numbers on the scale didn’t budge and they haven’t since. Working out 4-5 days a week with some of them being double workout days is tiring…especially if you aren’t eating.  It’s mind boggling thinking you can’t actually starve your way to weight loss. You really do have to eat.  I severely underestimated the calories I was supposed to be eating and the scale suffered.  But I’ve got the idea now.  I want to know how eating 1900 calories a day is going to help a sista out. But I’m going to trust the process.  I actually believe it’s true, but I’ve been sabotaging myself for months now.  So, now I sit and wait. Really I’m not sitting, that hurts too much right now.  I know I’m done starving myself.  Amazing how easy it is to put away 2000 calories of wine but yet I’m over here dying cause I’m stuffed full of grilled chicken and brussel sprouts.

These things I learned are not a one size fits all lesson.  Things are different for everyone unless they are the facts.

The facts are that you can’t eat shit tons of crap food and be healthy.  There are people who can eat shit tons of food and still maintain their figure but that doesn’t mean they are healthy.  The fact is that muscle burns fat, and I don’t have enough.  The fact is broccoli is always healthier than french fries and cheesecake…but we all know what tastes better!

The fact is that being fit and healthy is never going to be an easy endeavor for me.  And it may not be for some of you either, but I promise  that if we keep working and we don’t give up, good things are going to happen.  Change it up.  Do something that scares you, but that   makes you realize how badass you are.  I mean, for reals…as I was heaving over the Orange Theory potty this morning after 6 out of 10 all outs.  I was scared…but I was feeling pretty damn bad ass when I went back in for more.  There’s no giving up bitches, just puke and keep moving.  (At least that’s what I’m telling myself!)

Until next time…

DP Babbles (and squats like a badass too!)

 

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Orange Theory, and All That Other Magic

26 Feb

img_6560Although, life the last three years has been a whole lot of running, I have been realizing through multiple talks with lots of peeps that trying something new may help me in my running quest.  So although I’ve been hanging in bootcamp once a week, I’ve also taken on kickboxing and my newest endeavor…Orange Theory.

I am a chronic over thinker. I over think about everything and I beat it to death with a stick or probably in my case a vibrator (When you sell them..you’ve got better things than sticks!)  So in one more stuck in a rut convo with my husband, he looks at me and the following popped out…

“You’re a runner. I get it. But you’re not improving any. I know you identify with being a runner, but it’s just as great to identify with being an athlete.  You are an athlete after all.  Maybe you can try things that will make you be a better runner. No one said you can’t run, I’m just suggesting you try other things to get you out of this rut.  So you can feel successful. You need to feel successful again…..and then it was like blah blah blah….blah blah blah (I’m sure I repeated things a gazillion times, cried at least twice and he rubbed his forehead from having to deal with me a couple more times.  I won’t bore you with the details.) “So you have bootcamp, you have kickboxing,  and running. Wanna try Orange Theory. ”  Um, really?  (That’s like  really expensive gift…you don’t say no to those if you’re a lady!!!) So off to Orange Theory I go…I didn’t think about it.  Thinking meant talking myself out of it.  I’m no stranger to doing things alone but every OTF chick I see is fit as hell…so I was feeling out of my element.  I’m fit enough to run, but I still jiggle.  (Yes, I said it…it’s ok to laugh for crying out loud!!!) I actually walked in to sign up with my kids, scared shitless to sign up, but I did it.  And as for not thinking, I told them to schedule me for the next day, cause there is no time like the present.  The head trainer told me not to worry, he said I’d be just fine. (I’m sure there was an evil laugh after that.)

So I went in early the next day to be fitted with a HR monitor and get an orientation from Jeremy, the head trainer.  I spent 20 minutes trying not to puke in the car because I was so nervous.  I felt like I knew going in there that I may just be the “bigger” chick of the crew and I didn’t want to feel out of place. I mean…  I just want to have a bangin’ body and run better.  I don’t want to be judged.  And talk about prejudging…it was nothing like I thought.  Jeremy set me up on the treadmill to warm up and talked to me.  “So this is a tornado class, way to start out on that one.” And then my mouth…in all of its classiness… “Tornado???? What the f*ck is that?”  Without batting an eye he quickly quips back, “It’s f*ckin’ hard, that’s what it is!”  And that’s when at last I knew I can breathe.  I’ll give these Orange Theory peeps a try with that mouth.  And I did, and I was the thickest chick in the class. But I didn’t care.  When I say thickest chick, don’t think I’m over here feeling all beached whale because that isn’t it by a mile.  I’m just saying I have lots of room for improvement.

You know what drives me nutballs about the class. All the damn mirrors.  You run on the treadmill, boom…you’re right there.  You’re sweating your ass off lifting weights… well hellooooooo there Donna. You look constipated right now, but hell yes keep on keepin’ on. Mirrors, friggin’ mirrors every-damn-where.  And I tried looking at the lights and the ceiling and anything else but me.  But my ridiculous faces kind of entertain me through the “all outs”.  No one laughs at me like I do.  No one cheers for me better than my thighs. And no one grunts and heavy breathes like me.   That’s one hour of giggles for me.  In bootcamp I spend the hour trying hard and making dirty jokes to get everyone through the hour.   But here the music is loud and it’s dim and orange. So what is there to do but look that chick in the eye and tell her to just do it…even if you look like a total asshole.  It doesn’t matter as long as you are trying hard. Jeremy checks on my foot injury and asks if I’m ok. (probably because I’m breathing harder than a hooker in heat and sweating raindrops everywhere.) Yep, I may look like I’m dying but really I’m just concentrating on where this is going to take me.

Next class, I was also blessed with Jeremy as an instructor.  He passes a comment and says, this class is light for some reason.  That’s gonna be bad for you!!!! (insert evil trainer laugh here) My response.

” It won’t be bad for me at all.  I didn’t come here for you to go easy on me.  I came here because I want better for me.  You may here me huff and puff but you’ll never hear me complain.  Wipe the floor with me, I came here ready to work. ”

He laughs and says, ‘We’re gonna get you running faster here…I guarantee it.”

And off he went, killing us all as I laughed at myself in the mirror for yet another hour. Another hour of being the bigger girl in class, but in no way mediocre.  I’ve got tons to offer.  Each of these classes bring me something different.

Bootcamp is where it all started for me.  I can’t give up Katie and Karyn although my schedule doesn’t always work.  Those people have become my family.  I can work hard and never worry that they aren’t there. Even when I can’t be there, they never are not there for me.

Kickboxing has given me a whole new outlet to beat the shit out of things.  I work on my coordination there.  I have grown to add these amazing people to my workout family.  I still look ridiculous and Brad scares the shit out of me with hard kicks and peering up over the bags like a lion peering out over his tribe. But those people are super supportive. They are pushers. I like pushers.

And now I add Orange Theory. I’m still working on my comfort level, but I love having something new to try.  It pushes me harder on my runs and I think I believe Jeremy when he says I’m going to be a faster runner.  And I can look at myself in the mirror and die laughing for 60 minutes! What’s better than that?

Why am I admitting to you that I sat in my car wanting to puke instead of going in. Why am I telling you how uncomfortable I am being “the new girl” or “the bigger girl”?  Because you have to know you aren’t alone.  You’re not. Some people fake it better than others.  I fake some things better than others.  (Not that, you dirty fool!) But the truth is even the most confident person you see has those same insecurities you do.  The most perfect of Facebook and Instagram life, know that sometimes they’re just faking it.  We have to try not to overthink it.  Just jump…all you have to do is jump. No one says it’s going to feel amazing right away…but let me tell you about how good the freedom feels.  So, just do it.  Something amazing is going to come out of it, I promise.  If you doubt it, please please please… call me. I’m always gonna have your back.

Until Next Time,

DP Babbles