Archive | February, 2018

Who made you feel that you’re not worthy?

28 Feb

2D16F77C-5897-49F0-9EEF-ED99C84AF3FB.jpegA question was posed to me yesterday.  It wasn’t random but it was certainly unexpected.  “Who made you feel that you’re not worthy?  Why do you feel like you’re not worth feeling accomplished?”  (and no it wasn’t a therapist…but I wouldn’t be shy to tell you if it was. I’m an advocate of talking it out and helping yourself…mostly)  Regardless, my cocky defensive answer was quick. “I do feel accomplished…I’m good.”  and then the stare down…”your eyes don’t say that…”  Well, damn you, lady. Damn you for making me think.  I don’t need more thinking.  Don’t look at my eyes!!

I know my answer…and the specifics don’t matter.  But the fact that everyone who reads this probably has felt this way does.  See,  I’m not over here just letting it all hang out so you can analyze what the hell is wrong with me.  I’m saying it because its something to think about, something to help each and every one of us grow.  Most of us at one time or another have felt that way for a reason or two.  So,  I want to pose that question to you: Who made YOU feel that you’re not worthy? Why don’t you feel like your not worth feeling accomplished?  You don’t actually have to tell me, but I’m all ears if you need one or two. We learn the most about ourselves by actually listening.  Some wise person probably said that…I’m not quite wise.  A little smart and sometimes witty…not wise. Whatever you’re answer…I’d like to tell you (as I have 100 times before) that you are worthy.  You do matter.  But only you can figure out how to get through your answer.

I’ll be a little vulnerable…just a little.  Don’t get all excited about it.  Some of my answer:

I did…I am the person who made me feel that I’m not worthy.  And why do you ask?  Because for every struggle to get up and tell life it punches like a bitch…there’s at least two struggles to knock you back down.  Because there are people in life who will see you as disposable.  And sometimes it’s expected and sometimes it’s not.  And there are people who want you to see your worth, but don’t treat you like you’re worthy.  And because sometimes you have to remember to take some things with a grain of salt even if it bothers you. Because life keeps happening and sometimes it gets the upper hand, and sometimes you get the upper hand.  We can’t win all the time.  I’ve allowed life to get the upper hand.  I’ve allowed people who clearly don’t give a whole rats ass about me…to get the upper hand.  That makes me 100% responsible for allowing that.

We can, however, dig our heels in, dig them in and say…fuck that.  I do matter.  I am worthy.  I’m sure its a conscious choice we have to make every day.  Much like every habit, we have to make that decision every damn day until it becomes second nature.  Take ownership over your answer and work it out.

The opinionated people in life will always be there. There’s someone reading this right now who thinks me writing this is stupid.  And if you feel that way, please stop reading.  Don’t waste your time.  There will always be people in life that discard you.  Who show you that you aren’t worthy or less important.  However, remember this… THEY ARE NOT WORTHY OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!  After all, we all know (most of us know) we aren’t the center of the Universe, but we are capable of giving great energy to the Universe…and making a difference.

I believe there is a reason for everything.  There is a reason I was asked that question.  And I absolutely know the things bothering me.  I also know that I hold the key to my own success.  That I am loved, and that there are those I may not get to speak to often that give a shit.  I’m appreciative of those who feel able to show love and support.  I feel honored to give love and support.    And I will slowly work through my answer.  But you have to promise to try to work through yours…after all, we are all in this together.

They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul.  I wish my window wasn’t so damn clear.  I’m over here getting the upper hand on life.  Because you hit like a bitch, and slow and steady, I’ll show you who’s boss.

 

Until Next time,

DP Babbles

 

 

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