Archive | May, 2017

A letter to my daughter about life…(that she can’t read because it has bad words in it)

30 May

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My daughter got into the car after school today. Tears just waiting to spill over. She was upset that she didn’t make safety patrol. This girl has been turned away from doing several things in school so far.  So, it gets harder and harder to tell her that life is like that.  Life is only going to get harder that way.  How do you tell your kids that?  How do you let them know life isn’t fair, but that everything will work out.  So this is what I’d propose to say to my kid, and you if you feel that way.

Dear Rae (and anyone else disappointed),

I know not making safety patrol feels like the end of the world today.  And I’m sorry. I couldn’t be more sorry. I’d like to tell you life is going to get less disappointing, but there will be several more disappointments along the road.  There are going to be times when you are riding high and perfection is right in front of you.  When the road ahead seems so clear.  And I promise that what you see will be real.  Don’t forget that feeling. Don’t forget to keep pushing towards that.

During the hard times, when you feel disappointed by life, know it’s not the end of the world.  It’s a lesson.  And sometimes the lessons suck, but sometimes there is true value in them.  But you have to feel the shitty parts of life…truly feel them to really feel the good stuff.  I mean, maybe now at 10 it doesn’t make much sense because its just safety patrol, or the dance team or friends being a bunch of a-holes.  But later on, it will be lots of other things. Career, finances, boys…oh for fuck’s sake, not those!!!!   I promise to have a container of ice cream for the boy stuff, or  maybe we can sit on the beach and you can cry on me.  I may have wine in my cup, and I may cry with you.  I’m good at crying and I’m not sorry about it.  I don’t want you to be sorry either.  I think its ok to cry.   It’s not weak to feel the feels.  It’s healthy, its healing and I promise to hug you through it.

What?!?!?!?  You don’t feel all healed up from the tears.   That’s ok too.  Life is all about showing up.  Pushing the line when it feels uncomfortable. There will be lots of lines to stretch.  Try hard not to cross the wrong ones.  But when you do feel the need to cross the line, make sure it’s something  that means something to you.  Tears don’t fix everything.  But they help.  Taking deep breaths and living life moment by moment…that heals.

I sometimes wonder why the hell life presents situations to us.  It’s like it’s says.. ” Look at this…perfect right? ”  and in the next breath it gives you a big “fuck you”.  You will have so many of these moments.  I can’t tell you I know what they mean.  I have no clue.  I’m certainly not a wise mom, I’m just me…shuffling through like you will be. Some will suck worse than others. Hold on to your perfect.  And in the same breath cherish your imperfect.  I’m not sure if this makes sense now.  But I just want to tell you that no matter what life is handing out, handling it will never be perfect, so just strive for perfectly imperfect.

Don’t let life’s disappointments make you pessimistic.  Because it’s easy to remember the shitty things that happen.  Try hard to focus on everything that went right.  Everything that you learned.  Focus on everything you love.  And hold on to that…make that work.  You can make anything work if you want it enough, especially when you have love in your heart.

Know that when it’s meant to be, it will be.  And whatever that “it” is, know its not on your timeline, it’s on life’s timeline.   I am a huge believer in spiritual things.  And I know things.  I believe in signs and I believe everything happens for a reason.   But here’s the thing you have to really pay attention to…it’s none of our business as to the “why”.  None of our damn business.  And you have to be ok with that.  (Stinks, right???)

I also want to tell you for all the disappointments, there is joy.  Eat it up.  Love. Make waves when it’s right.  Don’t bury the fire that burns inside of you.  That flame is so important.   It makes you…you and it’s not replaceable.  It’s what makes people love the real you.  And for Jake’s sake…be real and be you.  Everyone deserves to see the masterpiece that makes up you.

Enjoy your accomplishments, bask in your own glory.  You are a big deal, little lady (or random person reading this).  You are loved unconditionally…and forever by someone (namely me!).  You have so much to give…so much life to live. Climb the mountains, wallow in the valleys , but live.  And live true to your heart…not just what you think your supposed to do.

And just in case I didn’t tell you today…I am proud of you. So damn proud.  Even when you think I can’t be…I am. That’s what unconditional love is. It’s loving someone through the hard stuff.

Until Next Time,

DP Babbles