It Can’t All Be Pretty

11 Apr

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The other day a friend of mine messaged me and told me she needed some witty motivation. She had just lost a friend and she was struggling to her get mojo to get up and go back.  I’m really hoping my words helped her. I had struggled knowing that although I didn’t know this person who tragically passed, I knew of her. I now knew her daughters. I got a glimpse of what kind of amazing mom left this Earth.  And I trudged on…because thats what we have to do.

The next week, I was called to transport a sick little baby, one who suffered a tragic accident I know when I went to pick her up, I just felt that it wasn’t going to be the outcome everyone wanted. But I prayed and died inside every time I heard her parents beg her to wake up. As a PICU nurse, I’m never going to be able to get over the begging. The bargaining with God, the cries for a child to wake up. I excused myself and sank in tears in the bathroom., pulled myself together and went on to continue giving everything I had to save this child’s life…and clearly it wasn’t up to me. She lives in Heaven now. She rides bikes with Angels and has pizza parties with God. (That’s what I  think Heaven is like. By the way…it’s the best NY pizza served there. ) And I kept trudging forward. Because life is happening and we have to keep going.

Yesterday, after having  a great day with my kiddos and their friends, I received a call. A tearful and shocked, a friend had unexpectedly passed. She wasn’t a friend that I talked to or hung out with everyday. But someone that I had recently hung out with and laughed over wine. Someone who has children and who’s daughter has hung out with my daughter.   I was in high school with her, at least for a year. She was a fabulous mom and person. After sitting on my bed with my mouth hanging open and tears rolling down my face.  My husband looked at me and said, “You’re going to go out and run 9 miles like this?” “Yep…I have things to do and I don’t have time to stop.” So I went out…and three miles in I was running down a major street and I was done. I stopped,  sat down and cried. These were all great people. I don’t have to know them all or even intimately to mourn them. There are children without their mothers, and a family without their child. I’m done…so I walked back to the house, slowly trying to figure out how to groove on. It didn’t happen last night. And today, I wavered still.

Tonight I was just trying to get back to being positive me…the one who’s trying to inspire. The one who wants to help everyone keep going. And this is what I learned.

Its ok to stop. It’s ok to take a breath. It’s ok to say life’s not fair. It’s ok not to know why.  It’s ok cry. It’s just ok. But then I felt like maybe this was a time to examine things. And this is what I have for you.

Let people know they matter. And those people who treat you like an option, those same ones who come around only when they need something from you…stop allowing it. Love the people who matter! Don’t waste it on people who make you an option. You are NO ONE’S DAMN OPTION!

Be there. Be present. Feel the good, the bad and the ugly. And know that it’s not always going to pretty. But being present in life, you’re going to make a difference no matter how ugly the ugliest moment is.

Know your worth. Know that you are a powerful and amazing person. And that you  have pieces of yourself to offer without taking away from what truly makes you…well…you!

Say no if you have to. Say yes if you really want to.  Say what you feel.  Do you see something you like…say it! Do you feel good about something. Let someone know. Say something, stand for something.

Maybe this sounds like a whole lot of fluff. These are all basic life instructions we forget. When was the last time you saw something  you liked and said it? When was the last time you said you really wanted something…and went and got it. Don’t wait! Make it happen.

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by people who are in my corner. Who want what’s best for me. Who add to my life in so many positive ways. I’m thankful that those who treat me like an option are few and far in between. There are lessons to be learned from both. The lessons won’t always be pretty.

It just can’t. Life isn’t pretty. It’s messy and stressful. But it’s also beautiful and peaceful. Depends on the moment. Depends on the time. Depends on our outlook and what and who we surround ourselves with. So make it what you want…but know it’s not guaranteed.

And for everyone that reads this. Everyone that I’m blessed to call family and friends. Thank you. Thank you for making a difference in my life.  Thank you for making sure I know I’m not an option. Thank you for making me feel worthy and loved. Thank you. When all is said and done, I hope what can be said about me is that I tried my best. I didn’t always make the best decisions.  But I made a few pretty amazing ones too. And that I loved…I loved everyone and everything that mattered to me. And I made a small difference.

The purpose of this isn’t for you to tell me how amazing I am or blow rays of sunshine up my ass.  It’s so you know that none of us are all that different after all…that it’s not all pretty but together we can be brave enough to make sense of it all.

Love Always…

Until next time.

DP Babbles

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2 Responses to “It Can’t All Be Pretty”

  1. Holly Ambrose April 11, 2017 at 4:56 pm #

    Sometimes things just don’t make sense … and there seems to be a lot of that lately.

    But I think heaven will have deep-dish Chicago style pizza.

    Like

    • DP Babbles April 11, 2017 at 5:35 pm #

      You are one of the most positive people I know. 🙂

      Like

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