It Finally Happened

5 Dec

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I’ve been sitting around waiting for it. I braced myself after a year of living the future 26.2 miles and I just waited.  I tried to plan so it wouldn’t happen.  I have been fighting this freaking foot injury.  I’ve barely been able to run, but I’ve been in my garage making friends with my weights and kettle bells.  They were going to save me from every tear I never intended to cry. I tried to make goals and kick my own ass…nope.  Wednesday evening I went to work just like normal me…came home Thursday and woke up feeling all kinds of empty.  I found myself biting back the tears. Here it was, the Marathon let down.  It all came crashing down.  I even held my shit together out the door on the way to work. Not sure if the hubs noticed but I texted him later just to prep him for a few deep breaths.  I cried my way to work like a baby.  Pulled my shit together for a second to get into to work, but they knew.

I saw eyes on me opened wide.  I’m usually pretty perky and I dance and giggle through most of my shift so these moments are unusual. “So you know my usual Tuesday after Half Marathon Sunday? It came late this time…” I barely squeaked out before silent tears rolled down my face.  It was instant surrounding of love.  I’m so lucky they all get me.  I truly love my work family as they have been such cheerleaders when I was nervous, down or didn’t think I could.  It was like a group hug. I mostly felt better but I’ve been weepy on and off for days.

I was so nervous about the foot doctor.  What if he told me I couldn’t run. What if it was worse than I thought.  And it wasn’t mostly.  But I have the patience of a gnat and this grand plan in my head.  I’m a do-er. I have to see this plan through. I’m my own f*cking crown of thorns.  I’m hard on myself and need to learn to be flexible with my plan.

Then, today it hit me during a chat with my coach.  She said injuries are lessons.  This isn’t just a lesson in my limits and how far was too much (apparently running for 8 hours can injure you! Who the hell knew! ). It was a lesson in patience and flexibility.  I suck at change.  This…this shitty foot injury is going to teach me how to get more fit and accomplish my goals other ways.  I’ll run again soon, but I have to do other things.  I have to try harder and get better at other things too.  My foot doc called me an athlete. I better put my pretty girly athletic panties on and act like one.

So swimming it is and I’m going to rock that shit too…even if I stink at it. I’m going to swim my ass off. (hopefully literally)

So, it’s been a ton of deep breaths and sometimes a tear or two sneaks in but I really feel I’ve held it together.

I’ve even been trying to purposefully not shut myself off like I normally would.  I’ve forced myself not to be sad.  I always preach that sometimes you just have to feel the feels…I don’t want to.  I want to plan and move on and kick some ass.  I want to ignore the feels. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for what happens when its all said and done.  It was worth all of this.  Running 26.2 miles was worth ever tear currently running down my damn face.

I was standing outside tonight talking to my daughter when I got a text from out of the blue.  A friend, who I’ve been lucky to have since the day I timidly walked into Volleyball tryouts my first day of high school.  Facebook has reconnected us and I couldn’t be happier about that.  She was our fearless leader…she is a fearless leader… that has never changed.

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You know, God puts everyone in our lives for a reason. God knew I needed her today.  And I am grateful.  Some tears snuck out before I responded.

I did forget something.  I forgot what happened almost a month ago.  I forgot the months of blood, sweat and tears.  She even reminded me that there was a time not so long ago that I was sick and not breathing well but I came back from that fighting like a soldier and hit a half marathon PR.  I needed to be reminded that I have fought and I have fight left. And I am going to fight…I am a finisher.

We all have situations that set us back.  And it suuuuucccckkkks…with a big fat capital S!   There is a lesson in every set back.  It may not make much sense at the time.  But it will. It will make sense when God, or the universe or whatever you happen to believe allows you to see it.  And maybe, just maybe you’ll allow yourself see the greatness in you too.  If you doubt it, I’ve already told you I’m here…just ask me to kick your ass and give you a reminder.  I’m good people like that.

I haven’t been good people lately.  I’ve been terrible company and I’ve been a less than fun. But what goes up must come down, right?  So I came down…but I’m evening out and movin’ on.  Who would have thought that running would teach such life lessons.

So never forget that even when your not feeling so great, there are people who think you are…like me!!!!  That pull back on your sling shot…it’s only meant to catapult you to the next level.  So get groovin’ peeps…you got this!

#noregrets

Until Next Time…

DP Babbles

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