When Sh*t Gets Real

16 Oct

img_3087With 24 ish days ’til 26.2 miles, shit has certainly gotten real.  Like the other day, on my 14 mile run, I thought I’d run in the actual running tights I would be wearing for the race.  Well, I tell you I can thank my lucky stars for that because 5 miles into it, my trusty running tights finally succumbed to thunder and lightning (my amazing non-gapping thighs, that is). I threw in amazing because I didn’t want anyone thinking I feel bad about them. They just are what they are. But for the love of Robert Downey, Jr., really???? Fucking A!!! These were my comfort zone. My trusty race tights, my good luck pants. Yes, I have good luck pants, so what? Everyone needs a pair of lucky pants!  So, I figure just like everything else, prepare for wrenches to start being thrown in. Every setback is a lesson in the journey.  What did I do, I ran back home, changed pants and finished like a trooper.  Albeit, in pain and torn up a bit, but I finished it.  I can finally walk without looking like I have a stick up my ass now.  It’s kind of like a badge of honor only now I need another hundred dollar pair of race tights.

I haven’t made training easy on myself. I work nights, have kids and a crazy schedule to keep. Summer training sucked ass.  And just when things were getting good, my plantar fasciitis reared its ugly head.  But I’m moving ahead excited and scared but ready to give it my all. Really, I’m an excited, exhausted currently pantless gimpy chick ready to run a marathon.  And if I’m not ready, I’m doing it anyways. I mean…I have an actual trackable bib number. There’s going to be a dot moving on that TCS NYC Marathon app.  I’m getting confirmation emails and Instagram is full of Marathon running stuff.  How did this happen so fast. Am I ready?  Do I have any fucking business running this at my speed?

Today I shared something with my husband.  I’m also sharing this with you. It’s my secret, but I know everyone has felt the same about something in their life they have done.  So we’re driving in the car today and chatting about weather and things we need to do when I said finally exactly what I’m feeling.  The following is part of my conversation.

There isn’t a doubt in hell that I can get it done. But I judge myself based on speed.  Like finishing at my pace will make me less deserving of that medal.  That even though I know that this will be amazing.  I feel like people see my pace and say things like (I know…the inside of my head is fucking amazing!) “Is she walking?”  “How is she going to finish?”  “It’s going to take her all damn day?”    It’s very rare but I can absolutely feel when someone doesn’t believe I can do it.  When they cringe at my speed or give my body the once over.  Some are politely encouraging and it comes off as condescending.  I hate condescending.  I loathe it. I may not be an elite runner but I’ve worked hard so I find some peoples negativity exhausting.  I also have difficulty overcoming those who definitely “know” they are better than me.   That’s the double edge sword of life though. There will always be doubters…ALWAYS.  And there will always be that one person toting their runner’s body and posting pictures of the celery they fuel up with. I’m sorry I meant celery and maybe a cannelini bean or two… ’cause you know, protein!

On the other hand, the most positive hand. My life is mostly filled with people who don’t really give a shit what I run. How fast, how far, whether my inner thighs are screaming for mercy from my broken tights. They just care that I do, that I try and that I do it for me.  They encourage me and support me, wish me luck before races, text or call to ask how I did.  They don’t care that I am a back of the pack runner, they love me just the same.  There are the friends that never hesitated to support me on my journey.   Many donating to the charity I’m running for without even asking.  Offering to run with me. Running with me and never complaining of my speed.  Those people are my people.  The ones who tell me they don’t even consider not finishing a thought, that they know I’ll finish. And I feel their certainty. I feel every ounce of belief in me.  I have appreciated every single word of encouragement, every donation, every ounce of this journey.

So this is my intention going forward. To enjoy every run ’til the marathon, especially  the hard ones. To only go with the mindset of success.  To know I have done everything I could do with and without life getting in the way.  To trust the coach and her coaching that has gotten me through my races.  That there is only room for improvement from here. To know that on November 6th. I’m going to do something amazing.  That no matter what,  I have done something amazing.  Since at least May I have logged over 300 miles of running time and even more before that.  Which sometimes doesn’t seem to be enough.  But what’s another 26.2?   I’m laughing when I say that. It’s going to be slow for most to watch (charge your phones, peeps!!) . It’s going to be exhausting and painful, but I trained for pain. I trained to keep going when it hurts.  And I’m grateful for everyone who has supported me in one way or the other.  My fantastic family who has given up time with me or arranged their schedule to fit in my runs.  My husband who has gone in late to work at times or come home early just so I can fit some time in.  My kids who have learned to love sweaty kisses and even when they are over it, wish me luck out the door. The words of encouragement and running by my side. My coach who has tirelessly tried to figure out how to help me get to the finish line even though I have so many factors that make it difficult.  And of course all of the people who give a rat’s ass about me, with words of encouragement, the middle long run call check ins, and of course those who are going to NY to carry me home at the finish line…errrr… I mean celebrate!!!!   I’m so lucky to have a NJ family and friends who are driving/flying in to see me to the end.  The best parts of my village.

 

All I need is faith, trust and pixie dust….oh and a new pair of pants!

Until next time

DP Babbles

 

 

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5 Responses to “When Sh*t Gets Real”

  1. Kelli October 16, 2016 at 11:38 am #

    You truly have an amazing village! Despite ass smackers on mopeds and haters. There are so many more of us rooting for you. We are so proud of all of your races and super exited to see your little dot cross the finish line! Ps – gonna need that app info. Another funny AND inspiring read- just like always!
    Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lorigreer December 3, 2016 at 2:36 am #

    What a great post. I am rooting for you. Whatever you do at least you are part of the game not sitting on the couch! I am inspired to get back out there and run. Thanks for sharing!!

    Like

    • DP Babbles December 5, 2016 at 3:56 am #

      Thank you Lori! It was an amazing experience!!! I’ve learned so much. Get out there sista! You’ve got it all right inside you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • lorigreer December 5, 2016 at 4:00 am #

        Thank you!! I will start tomorrow. So if you hear huffing and puffing that will be me! 😊

        Like

      • DP Babbles December 13, 2016 at 10:03 am #

        Lori, have I need hearing huffing and puffing?

        Liked by 1 person

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