Archive | July, 2016

Moving Past Fear

21 Jul

imageMy sister and some friends of mine were just chatting it up before bedtime. My sister, an amazing chick, doesn’t even know how amazing she is. I’m seriously proud of her, and I have so many wishes for her. She’s thinking of making some changes and she poses the question: Why do I second guess myself?

Well there dear sister, and everyone else out there. I’ll tell you why. Because life is hard.  I mean, don’t we all have moments that we second guess ourselves?  Do I take the new job?  Do I sell my company? Do I start a new company? Do I go on that date?  Did they like me? Do I look ok?  Life is full of “Do I”.  Because even when you’re miserable in your comfort zone, it’s well…comfortable.  Change is scary. The big bad world out there is full of unknowns.  It’s uncomfortable. And it’s all a process.  I don’t enjoy flying by the seat of my pants although I am trying to feel better about it. . I like a little control.  I think most people do. But be that 2%. Clearly I’m guessing that percentage. I can calculate meds, but I don’t like math otherwise.

I am currently sitting in my own little uncomfortable hot seat.  Training for a marathon is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done.  After talking to my coach the other day, I realize the process is not for me to understand. It’s too big to understand.  It’s a one day at a time, don’t look too far ahead, but kinda look ahead process. It’s painful. Not just for my body, but somedays its just a big fat mind fuck for me (you know there was bound to be a bad word or two).  I was attempting 11 miles in the hot sun the other day. I can’t even tell you some of the shit that went through my head.  But this is all part of the journey. Part of the new stronger badass me. I was just getting comfortable with half marathons for shit’s sake! I never made it all 11 miles, mostly because I ran out of water.  But I would have walked it if I had to because “it feels like 99” is too hot to run and I’m already slow as a turtle.  So I just keep on keepin’ on. One day at a time. One mile at a time.  Appreciating the little changes in my body, and appreciating how with every mile, I’m closer to NY.  And then I will deep breathe though every moment.  But for now I will power through. And try and be a bad ass. If I can’t be a bad ass, I’m going to fake it because eventually it will come.  I can’t say I felt this way sprinting to the bathroom to vomit during kickboxing tonight.  It was like the Biggest Loser Meets kickboxing. I was “that chick” who pukes and cries into the bucket and then goes back to her workout. (How fucking embarrassing!!!)  But I went back and finished.  I digress..

I’m thinking we all need to start turning our “Do I’s” into “I do”. I want to. I can do.  I will do.   But it’s ok to be nervous, just don’t literally shit your pants. I might giggle a little.   Just be. Be scared. Be nervous. Be excited. Be positive. Be confident. Just be what you want to be.  But move forward. There are the most amazing things outside of your comfort zone. Kick fear in the teeth when your done feeling it. Above all things, be brave.  Because sometimes all we need is a bit of  crazy courage and the great things can happen.  I feel pretty strongly about that.

You know what?  You can do anything you put your mind to. ANYTHING!!! Take the job. Start a new business.  Go on the damn date. You look more than ok.  You’re stunning.  Who gives a shit if they like you. You do…just do. Because you can…

And my dearest sister.  I joke a ton.  But I believe in you.  You’ve got heart, girlie. And I’m here lifting you up. I’m just so damn proud of you…now you be proud of you!!!!

All you crazy kids. I know it’s hard. But be you…and do so bravely.  (I know, I know…I’ve said it a million times) You are so worth it.  I’ve got your back peeps…I’ve got you.


DP Babbles