Spinning wheels…

6 May

After a week of feeling like total crap I approached my asthma doctor who told me that running is definitely not on the schedule for me for now. “You’re cough is horrible. You’re body is saying your lungs aren’t ready. Listen…” Insert tears… And “I ran the last two days, they’re like cardboard. I just need to stretch them out. I’ve got to train…” (Tears are welling up big time now)   “Donna!!! Stop thinking like an athlete for a second, you’re still an asthmatic!!! Let your body heal!”

Well, shitballs!!! I totally forgot about that asthma shit! I temporarily forgot why this is so important. I’m once again the 6 year old little tyke sitting in her oxygen tent with a little zipper to connect me with human touch. I’m the 8 year old girl who sat on the playground who’s mom made her sit out and stick her effing cold hands in her mom’s armpits. Don’t ask me why I even remember that shit. Jesus mom, I already had crooked teeth, did you have to pull the armpit warming trick to make me more awkward with the other kids?  I know…moms are only doing the best they can. I might have done the same if not for the invention of gloves!  Anyways… I digress. Asthma is what challenged me to run in the first place. One of the reasons anyways. I wanted to show that I could overcome the stereotype that asthmatics can’t run or do much of anything. I wanted to be inspiration for my kids. And really…I was tired of being a fat ass…but really it’s also how I work out the crazy. Like when your wheels turn and turn and you just need to run it out to get that to stop.  I need that in life.

Why?

Because I’m that chick. The one that’s always nice and gets stepped on for it. I the one who thinks I should wish you a happy birthday even though you stopped talking to me. I’m the one that someone will block on Facebook but yet I’ll see cookies you like…and get them for you. I’m the one who will listen whatever time you need me even if you never listen or give a shit about me… And let’s face it. I need to run that shit out.  Because somedays it’s tough being that girl.

I’m the chick who lashes out at the ones closest to her. This week, I’m a total bitch (but still kind of cute).  I’ve quite possibly apologized 20 million times because my lungs won’t let me just run the stress out. See friends, it’s not just about silly medals and crossing finish lines, it’s coping with stress in the only ways we know how. Some drink, some eat, some run… I do a little of all of it!

So if I could give my lungs a stern talking to, I would tell them to get their shit together because I’m ready to go. I’m ready to train like a beast for my marathon…but I also need to run the wheels so the wheels stop turning.  I’m giving a big fat middle finger to asthma… I need the other hand for my Neb treatment or I’d give double middle finger.

And anyone who says they don’t spin their wheels is a liar. We all do it. Dudes do it less than chicks but even they spin their wheels…they just hide it better.

So this is what I know. I get made fun of all the time for being too nice. I won’t apologize because I don’t consider it a weakness. It’s not going to change but I do have some boundaries. When I’m done…I really am done.  I just want to treat others how I want to be treated regardless of their inability to do so. And I’m not perfect at it. (Ask my husband!)  So I’ll patiently wait for my lungs to improve, try not to be a total bitchola…and be prepared to kick ass in all kinds of ways when my airbags decide I’m ready.

Meanwhile, I’ll be here in supportive mode ready to listen when you need it, and I’ll have cookies too…you know the one’s you wanted to try….

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One Response to “Spinning wheels…”

  1. Marianne May 6, 2016 at 11:07 pm #

    I would never/could never make fun of you for being TOO nice, since I’m one of the (many I’m sure) ones who have been picked up by you and had my tears wiped by you! You have an ability to do that for others and I simply refuse to believe any nut job would unfriend you. I wish I could kicks asthmas ass. Just give it some time. You’ve been pushing hard. Heal. I hope you’re feeling better and back to training soon. XO

    Like

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