WTF Wednesday

I can’t believe it has been so long since I have posted anything. The last time I posted this I was juggling losing weight, training for a half marathon and trying to be a kick ass mom, nurse and wife.  Perfection isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I’ve been failing miserably in all aspects on and off!  Time passed and DP Babbles ran away from me for a bit. Literally and figuratively.

While I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been busy on a journey for sure. And while making people smile and laugh is one of my favorite things, I’ll share the what I have learned while I’ve been away.

Firstly, you know how they (whoever the hell they are) say “losing weight is hard, being fat is hard, choose your hard”?  I gave that a whirl. 50 pounds gone in total so far and I’m happy to say that I feel a lot more bad ass today than I did a couple of years ago. I hope to be even more bad ass in a few more pounds.  From this I learned that there really is a protective barrier in being overweight.   I now know how frightening it is to shed that barrier and allow people see the real me.  It’s exciting and it feels amazing. It’s also scary as shit because before this, I now realized that I didn’t even know the real me. I had taken comfort in being a “pudgy pal.”  I’m trying to shed the pudgy pal mentality and really stick to being confident. That’s a difficult task after not being confident for such a long time.  So, you know what “they” say. “Fake it ’til you make it.”  Sometimes we have to put on our big girl panties and deal with it.  It just so happens I really like my big girl panties now mainly because they are a little smaller and prettier.

Secondly, in February of 2014, I did finish The Disney Princess Half Marathon just like I said I was going to. The balloon ladies were never seen. The sweeper bus was far behind me. I laughed, cried, and hurt until the finish line.  The pace was horrible but the medal was amazing.  I finished something. I finished something huge and it changed me forever.  So I went out and got myself a running coach and ran 3 more half marathons after that.  I realize that running grounds me and makes me sane in a sea of insanity.  When you have been told you have asthma and can’t run your whole life, and suddenly you realize you can…what a holy shit moment that is! The feeling that you get from that realization is not something that leaves you. It has carried me through all four half marathons. I can accomplish anything I want. The sky is the limit!

Lastly, though this journey, this is what I have really learned.  I never knew changing so much would change so much.  I let people make fun of my flaws for so long and I have made fun of my flaws for so long that I didn’t even realize that had to change for me to move forward. I didn’t know who I was beyond the ass jokes and fat comments.  I had to stop doing that and stop allowing people to do that to me. I’m not going to say that I don’t poke fun at myself and life anymore because I do. Sense of humor and sarcasm are qualities I love in people. There are limits to everything. Self depreciation is a terrible thing and I’ve decided I’m no longer participating because it prevents me from becoming who I want to be. People aren’t going to always support your journey. It’s unfortunate that there are lots of people who want to see you fail even if they really don’t mean to. It’s a real thing, .but it shouldn’t stop anyone from being the best version of themselves.

So… what does all this mean? Be you and do so unapologetically.  There is freedom in the journey and it’s a never ending one. Kick ass every day that you can but it’s ok to take a break and reflect every once in a while.  (This is me reflecting)

I’m done with the sappy shit. More bad ass funny shit to come. Enjoy:)