God sure does have a sense of humor…

18 Apr

When I was younger, I had this picture in my mind that God was playing dollhouse with us.  He was overhead and we were His little Weeble peoples.  Now that I’m older, I have a new picture.  I think God is sitting in his leather recliner kicking back with a cold beer having a good laugh. I’m not talking the tragedies in life.  There are reasons things happen. They suck and the reasons why they happen are none of our business to know right now.  So for entertainment purposes, I am pointing out the things I think God’s having some fun with…because frankly, I think somethings are kinda funny too.

Because of my profession a good portion of my sense of humor involves bodily functions.  My first “old person” diaper change in nursing school involved me and a couple of students putting on a diaper shiny side in while this poor incoherent man got the runs all over it.  Fast forward a few years later when I was dressed in my favorite Christmas scrubs and changing the diaper of a kid with a liver laceration.  In the middle of rolling his tush toward me…he explosively shat all over me.  The lovely nurse who was participating laughed so hard, I’m sure she pissed her pants.  I’m sure God had a good chuckle while chugging some of Heaven’s finest brew.  Years later (and minus my favorite scrub top)  it still gets a good chuckle.  The other day I heard the story of a friend of mine who we will call Heidi.(because she’s tall… and I think all Heidi’s should be tall.) Poor Heidi was in the middle of a poop event (with a patient of course) and swears she just couldn’t get rid of the stink.  After a long arduous night at work, elbow deep in poop, she met her boyfriend for breakfast still wondering where the stink was. Only upon arriving home did my tall pal realize the stink was coming from leftover poop splatter on her pants.  Needless to say, I don’t really think those scrub pants made it to the wash (incineration time!!).  It’s great to know we help peeps with their bodily functions. Its part of the job, albeit not the best part, but a necessary part.  One that we are happy to help with.  So it would only be natural that the big man upstairs would be having a laugh-a-thon with poop. At three o’clock in the morning…lets face it, things get funny.  All of the nurses of the world are going to be old people with calendars that they mark their BM’s on.  I’m going to be like my grandfather marking yes or no on the calendar when I’m wrinkly in my rocking chair.  I wonder…do they have an app for that?

How about our kids.  God gives us a sense of humor to deal with the most difficult of times.  I can’t count the number times my bra appears on Target’s security cameras because  my kid has pulled down my tank top and I didn’t realize it.  I would have a good laugh at the frizzy haired half asleep chick walking down the tampon aisle with her bra out because she was too tired to look down.  I’m sure God took a long swig and smiled.  Or the poor chick whose ass has eaten the back of her dress (this may or may not have happened to me. Wink. Wink) and her undies are showing along with the whole back side.  I mean…it’s mostly funny.

How about those people (and by people, I mean me) who trip over flat surfaces when they walk.  Holy shit…really.  I can’t stop laughing at myself.   I do that all the time. I especially think it’s funny when the person gets so bent and looks around to make sure no one saw it.  God saw that shit…and He thought it was the bee’s knees. In fact, he is holding up the 10 paddle as he pees his pants laughing.  (I wonder if God uses the potty).

I’m the girl who when I was about 7 years old peed myself because I didn’t want to miss my baby cousin eating her first ice cream cone. But I didn’t miss the moment so who gives a flying fig.  We can all laugh about the day Donna pissed the floor years later. My dearest aunt,I’m so sorry I peed on your floor.  I give you full permission to get old and pee on my floor. My aunt is too classy for peeing on floors, and she’s never going to grow old so I think my floors are safe.

I could probably find a bazillion things to laugh at.  Laughing is fun and it beats crying. Laughing should be considered a bodily function that comes before menstruation,pooping and even PMS. All is right with the world because in the middle of all of the shitty things that happen, we have to laugh at something.  I  find solace in laughing at myself.  I’m even ok with others getting a good chuckle at me. If you could have seen this crazy white girl doing the running man in her PPE’s (personal protective equipment) this morning you would laughed too.  And no matter what you believe, whether you have a “god” or not, and no matter what you call him or her, we have the gift of laughter because it was given to us. We should use it. Don’t squander such an awesome gift.  I aim to make my friends cheeks hurt.  (The cheeks on their face..you dirty pigs!)

The long and short of it is this.  Shit happens. Awful, horrendous shit.  We have all learned, yet again how awful this week.  But good things happen too. Lots of good things.  More good things happen than bad things. There are more good people than bad.  It had to be that way because there are some people who suck so bad that it takes tons of good peeps to make up for it.  So, love when you can, smile tons, always try to do the right thing and laugh…laugh a lot. They don’t call it the best medicine for no reason.  Lastly, don’t forget to keep track of your BMs. Get your calendars ready folks because frankly, you’re not getting any younger!


2 Responses to “God sure does have a sense of humor…”

  1. Noelle Corris April 18, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

    Great post, Donna! I love to laugh!


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